to the future!

Now, to the future.  I have some serious plans that I am trying to work on.

One is to get in shape.  I do really well for awhile, then I fall off the wagon.  My early early morning buddies are quiting on me.  That's what happens when you exercise with Texans with an aversion to cold weather.  After that first freezing day, they're history.  Also, for the last three weeks or so I've been forgetting to write in exercise and have continually scheduled other things in on top.  So - no more of that.  I'm writing it in.  Also - I signed up for a 10k.  Not a 5. A 10.  Why?  Well.  Mostly because it's six months away and I figure I can walk that far if I really need to.  And - to push myself.  I've got to expect more in order to be or do more.  So - this is it.  I have some friends who are going to do it.  But I think they're doing the half marathon.  I am not that crazy yet.  Now I need to check off something else from my list - get good running shoes!! Santa. . . ?

Next - I have this never ending manuscript.  It's really going to be a saga.  So - I signed up for Nanowrimo.  That means I have to write 50,000 words this month.  Luckily, it's OK if they suck.  I just want to finish this story.  Then I always have something to edit and bring to critique group.  And I would like to get first pages in front of an editor and see what happens.  But, of course, that's impossible when you aren't even done with a terrible first draft (or even a zero draft, which comes before a first draft.)  I want this done.  My friend compared me to a camel over the Sahara, slow and persevering.  I'm not going to give up or give out, but I'd like to jump in a helicopter to cover the rest of the desert, thanks.  I read VERY quickly.  This finishing a book's story at the rate of 3-6 pages a month is for the birds.   So - Nano it is.  (Though I'll admit I am going to cheat a bit and cut and past this post in.  It's November and I wrote it - so maybe it'll get me jump started.)

Third - That whole prayer and scripture reading thing.  I am in desperate need of a time and a schedule.  I know it is silly to try and accomplish what I want to without heavenly help. But sometimes I continue to try.  Am I afraid that everything will go well?  Do I feel like it shows I'm somehow more capable when I just try to power through and do it on my own?  Do I like being stressed?  I don't know, but I'm going to try and nip this in the bud. (though it may be a full out pruning job.)

Fourth - Housekeeping.  This is not my forte but has to be my priority.  I can really tell the difference on days that I ignore this and days I put it first.  Dinner ready and a home that has been cleared of yesterday's junk  goes a long way in making things calmer in the evening. 

Fifth - Keep up on homework and life.  I know there's more to this.  Way more.  It's part of that list that keeps on growing.  It's the prioritizing which part of this list needs to be done first that is the real issue.

Lately I've had a really difficult time focusing and getting things done.  I seem to always feel that there is something else I should be doing.  I switch laundry around and think about homework.  While I get homework done I worry that dinner isn't in and the floor needs washing.  When I get to the point I need to go somewhere I all of a sudden remember the six things it might have been a good idea to do an hour ago.  I really want to go do a creative project but I'm sure there is something practical I'm supposed to be doing instead.  I feel so selfish doing things for my home or myself and not for someone else that I can't seem to get started on them, even though I know that would be a help to my family.  (School is something that really is selfish for me, but I don't feel any guilt for working on it.  I guess because I'm paying for it and because the ultimate goal is family oriented.)  This is where that whole prayer thing comes in.  I'm constantly feeling that there is something I should be doing that I'm not doing.  And there might be.  I just don't know what it is!!

There was a day a few weeks ago that I was so happy.  I was listening to Pandora on the computer and dancing around the kitchen while I made cinnamon rolls as a thank you to someone I had interviewed for class.  I've been wondering why that made me so happy.  I think I was where I needed to be, doing things I enjoyed, and there weren't any of those - "I should be doing something else" thoughts going on.  

And- since I'm in all out confessional mode here -

Here's your real mommy moment for the day.  I forgot to take the middle schooler to school on Monday.  I was watching the elementary costume parade when she called me.  "Mom. . . . "  OOOPs.  I'd mentally put her at school already.  So - when we went in - reason for being late - Mom had a brain freeze.

And - Please - anyone who reads this - pray that I find my keys.  They are huge. They shouldn't be hard to miss.  I made it home with them.  But they are hiding.  I've been trying to flush them out, but no luck so far.  Now I'm completely terrified the spare keys will run off to join them, and they are much smaller.  Help!